Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.