I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".