My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.