I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.