A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.