A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!