Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.