What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.