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Silent Jokes

Funny Poems
As I lay cozy, all snug in my bed,
I enjoy the imagination inside my head
Until I hear racket beside my bed.
It's my 5:00 alarm!

I quickly silent you, you annoying alarm.
Then we SNOOZE together and let dreams carry on.
Enjoying the peace, then I'll be darned;
It's my 5:15 reminder!

Now I hush the ringing of my reminder.
Ok Alarm, let's put that behind us.
Eyes just shut, but here goes that timer
It's 7:20. I'm late!!!

(By Demecia Dean)
Kitchen Puns
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
Toilet Puns
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Anti Pick Up Lines
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
Clean Jokes
The last four letters of 'queue' are not silent
They're just waiting their turn.
I am terrified of people who urinate quietly.
After all, all psychos have a silent p.
One Liners and Short Jokes
What is a newborn mothers favorite song? Silent night!
Violin Puns
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Arm Puns
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Quotes
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
Food Poems
While fishing in the blue lagoon,
I caught a lovely silver fish,
And he spoke to me, "My boy," quoth he,
"Please set me free and I'll grant your wish;
A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?
Or all the fancies your mind can hold?"
And I said, "O.K." and I set him free,
But he laughed at me as he swam away,
And left me whispering my wish
Into a silent sea.

Today I caught that fish again
(That lovely silver prince of fishes),
And once again he offered me,
If I would only set him free,
Any one of a number of wishes,
If I would throw him back to the fishes.

He was delicious!!

(Shel Silverstein)
Vaccine Puns
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Gnome Puns
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!