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Seemed Jokes

Laundry Puns

So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.

Theater Puns

An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.

Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.

"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".

TV Puns

My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.

Poop Puns

I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"

Dragon Jokes

I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.

Art Puns

I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.
I asked about it once and he said "I like to bill them later."

Dragon Puns

I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.

One Liners and Short Jokes

I wasted my time on a vasectomy.
All it seemed to do was change the color of the baby.

I have an Epi-Pen.
My friend gave it to me as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I have it.

Funny Birthday Poems

Birthdays are sometimes hard to observe
Many people think they are for the birds.
Well, when I look at your age
I can see why you are at that stage.

Where did the years go
Another birthday, oh no
It only seemed like yesterday
We celebrated your birthday.

Oh who cares about age
Don't let it discourage
Be happy and just say
It is just another day!

(Catherine Pulsifer)

Birthday Jokes

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Rainbow Puns

Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.

Romantic Pick Up Lines

Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in your eyes.