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Onto Jokes

Head Puns
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Puns
Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?
Ass skin for a friend.
My cat kept jumping onto my desk.
I had to put him down.
Football Puns
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Password Puns
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
Airport Puns
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
Furniture Puns
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Bowling Puns
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
Color Puns
My dad and I saw this girl with a colorful backpack covered in pot leaves
He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.
Ice Puns
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
Tree Puns
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Medieval Puns
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.