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According Jokes

Ancient Greek Monster Puns
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Shark Puns
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
One Liners and Short Jokes
According to physics, light travels faster than sound. If that is really the case, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?
Puns
According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
My bank is really proud of me.
According to them, I have an outstanding balance!
Geology Puns
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Pig Puns
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Clever Jokes
According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
Nerdy Pick Up Lines
According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your body heat with me.