My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."