A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.