If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.