I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.