I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it