My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".