Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.