My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.