What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!