A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.