Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.