My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl