If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.