What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.