Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'