What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!