Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny