When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.