Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.