How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'