Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.