What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.