Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.