Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.