What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.