What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time