In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.