What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.