My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.