Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!