Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.