What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!