They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.