How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.