Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.