Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.