Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet