Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I couldn't chair less!
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred