What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I couldn't chair less!
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.