I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
I couldn't chair less!
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
Nothing really mattress.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned