My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I couldn't chair less!
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.