Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Nothing really mattress.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.