When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Nothing really mattress.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet