I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I couldn't chair less!
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Nothing really mattress.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.