Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Nothing really mattress.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!