What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Nothing really mattress.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it