What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Nothing really mattress.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
I couldn't chair less!
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”