What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I couldn't chair less!
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
Nothing really mattress.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample