I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Nothing really mattress.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected