I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Nothing really mattress.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"