Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.