I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.