I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.