Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!