How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
The superconductor left without resistance.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!