What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!