What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
The superconductor left without resistance.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas