I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”