What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.