I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.