If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
The sun is just a big space heater.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.