What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.