Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!