What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
The sun is just a big space heater.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day