I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."