What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor