There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.