I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.