What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”