A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
The sun is just a big space heater.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.