If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
The superconductor left without resistance.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...