What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.