What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave