Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!