Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues