What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash