What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
The sun is just a big space heater.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.