How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.