I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”