I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.