I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."