I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!