I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.