Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.