What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.