And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
The superconductor left without resistance.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.