I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.