Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
The superconductor left without resistance.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.