I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"