What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.