My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”