Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?