Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.