Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.