Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.