How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business