I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.