Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.