I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.