Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.