My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
The sun is just a big space heater.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.