I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.