"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.