So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.