What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.