My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I really hate straws.
They suck.