How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!