Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.