How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.