I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!